Attachment science shows that the ways we relate our adult relationships are shaped by our earliest family and generational patterns. Specifically, how our parents and caregivers related to emotions; and if they shared, didn’t share, or how they shared, emotional experience.
Do you have any of these tendencies?
To get triggered in relationships and either withdraw from conflict, or escalate conflict quickly
To push your feelings down and not process them or fully understand them
To get overtaken by emotions or spiral in negative stories about them
To dismiss the importance of yours, or other’s, emotions
To overfocus on feeling some emotions but not others (sadness but not anger, for example)
To not share your feelings openly in relationships and avoid emotional intimacy
To not know how to share emotions skillfully in a way that promotes closeness and trust
…Then you’re not alone!
Generally, we as a collective culture are in our early stages of learning emotional fluency and safety.
Often, our parents and ancestors were too busy surviving in the material world to be able to care for emotions. It wasn’t their fault.
But the consequence is many of us are lacking in emotional awareness, emotional safety, regulation, and expression - or we’re trying to do these things in our relationships but we need a little support!
What happens when we don’t process our emotions? They get stored in our body!
Much like undigested food, undigested emotions create stagnation and toxicity.
This is not metaphoric toxicity, it is literal. If we live with unprocessed fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, sadness - these emotions create stress hormones and muscular tension that gets stuck in our bodies.
Over time, you may notice symptoms such as anxiety, depression, getting triggered in relationships, lack of intimacy in relationships, too much conflict in relationships, chronic pain, and more.
Recent science even shows that digestive and skin issues can be linked to unprocessed emotions.
Counselling provides a safe attachment relationship in which old, and new, emotions can be processed and cared for together. We humans are extremely relational creatures. When we feel together, we heal together.
When you invest in your emotional health, you, your body, your mind, and your relationships all benefit for the long term.